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love happiness
it will occur some day. for sure. |
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sh@nj% |
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Monday, December 8, 2008, 12:05 AM
whole weekend was a bang.fri evening was four christmases. a heart warming and funny movie. sat was bugis and rod in heels. oh my! tat poor lil feet hurt. it just feels weird to mix with a group of people whom u're neither close nor stranger to. esp when everyone's in cliques. but it always feels good to go back to look at your sister pass down, and watch the band grow better and hopefully stronger each time. and meet people who u used to laugh and have fun tgt. sun was sentosa day!!! ;) too tired to upload pictures now. cycling (and once again, i fell), sky ride, luge, lunch, beach. packed with fun and laughter. a different outing compared to the others. and marilyn, GOOD JOB! =) rushed back to join family for some event after tat. im feelin sort of confused, frustrated and pissed off. with myself? with others? i dont know. im quite a family person. so i can be quite pissed off with meetings or activities held on sun or p.h. i dunno how the others feel. but can we leave weekends and ph to our families? yet, there was suppose to be meeting and camp on mon (tmr, hari raya haji). that holiday's definitely not related to me in any way. but its a ph. so cant we break free from some formal work? probably bc i lead a different life from most; i always have to work throughout school holidays. so holidays arent really holidays for me. and especially when dad n mum work thru day and night, i specially treasure and reserve my weekends and ph for family. yet, some other activities (compulsory attendance/ oblige to attend) must be held on weekends or p.h. do such activities really help to raise the portfolio? do the friends you meet from such activities really become part of your social circle or connection that you can work with or use when you go out to work? do these activities really turn out to become fruitful? im not anti-social. but if it takes you so much commitments that u'll have to give up weekends, family time, then issit worth it? actually this isnt the 1st time im meeting such a question/ problem with understanding leaders or people who work n meet thru holidays. but somehow, i've figured that probably everyone's priorities are different. so obviously, views are different. and im facing a contridiction. its smth i like. smth im passionate about. but it just seems that the people are not right. it used to be enjoyable. but now, it becomes dreading, awful and a waste of time. i signed up for it. so i feel obliged to go. yet, ive got work commitments with mum (who i cannot afford to make her nag), and myself. and since its starting to dread me, i've decided to go against my obligation, and not go for it. i feel bad. but i know ill feel worst for not turning up for work, leaving early, and feeling miserable if i go. up till today, after 1 sem have passed, im still confused abt many things and decisions that i've made. yet, i think i shd treat myself better. FOLLOW MY HEART. and i hope that ill be right. good night. ♥ shanjoo
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